Tag Archives: Love

COL730: LoR: Tolerance vs Acceptance

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke returns and this time we discuss tolerating versus accepting behaviors in our relationships. Do we let the annoying Aunt Ida in?

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Landscape of Relationships: Tolerance vs Acceptance

What is tolerance?

  • Tolerance is the state of “putting up with something without directly opposing it.”  It brings up ideas of enduring or allowing certain behaviors.  But it doesn’t mean embracing or supporting these behaviors or actions.
  • It’s a head thing

What is acceptance?

  • Acceptance is the state of opening yourself up completely to a situation, not how your mind sees it.  Acknowledging the reality of a situation without the need to change it or resist it.  Being open to differences and embracing them through love and compassion.
  • It’s a heart thing

Tolerance 

  • It involves the suppression of difficult emotions.  Can lead to feelings of resentment and anger due to lack of acceptance or understanding.

Acceptance 

  • This process can lead to feelings of love, compassion, and empathy.  The more that we feel connected to someone the deeper our understanding is.  

ACT with Love by Russ Harris [purchase on Amazon]

DRAIN

  • Disconnect
  • Reactivity
  • Avoidance
  • Inside your mind
  • Neglecting Values

LOVE

  • Letting go
  • Opening up
  • Values 
  • Engage 

“Annoying Aunt Ida”

  • Acknowledge 
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate
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COL710: LoR: Self-care

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss self-care. From taking time for your personal needs to finding your stress levels minimize while out with friends, listen as the guys analyze the ins and outs of self-care. But is providing self-care selfish? Find out as Dr. Ed helps the guys learn more about it.

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Landscape of Relationships: Self-care

What is self-care?

The National Institute in Mental Health says that “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact” (NIMH, December, 2022).

Examples of self-care 

  • Exercise 
  • Eating well and hydration 
  • Regular sleep 
  • Relaxing activity 
  • Goal setting (realistic goals, I mean)
  • Gratitude 
  • Practice acceptance and mindfulness 
  • Stay connected 

What isn’t here? 

  • Important question when it comes to self-care.  Am I practicing self-care or am I avoiding something?
  • Short term discomfort for long-term gain

What does it mean to practice self-care in relationships?

Differentiation of Self

  • One of the cornerstones of Bowen family systems theory, which states that families are an emotional system.  A person’s ability to manage the relationship between individualization and togetherness determines someone’s differentiation of self.  
  • Differentiated individuals are able to manage conflict without emotional reactivity, maintain their I-state, reach compromises; whereas, undifferentiated individuals tend to fuse with others or blend their emotional state with others, or their will exhibit emotional cutoff, which is where someone will manage their own emotional process by creating emotional and physical distance with someone.  

Social Self-care 

  • No person is an island and neither are you, ok?
  • Sometimes self-care is connecting with others and working on our relationships with others. 
  • Six Hours to a Better Relationship 

Final thoughts 

  • Reach healthy differentiation of self by identifying your own needs in conjunction with your relationship needs….AND recognize, accept, and validate the individual needs of the members of your relationships.  You will do yourself and everyone else a HUGE favor.  
  • “Self-care ain’t selfish” – Adoom 
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COL682: Bears in Entertainment Media Today

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs turn on the TV and get into a discussion about bears in the media today. The guys ponder the question about bear representation in films, TV and more and how it has changed over the years. Are there still stigmas about hirsute chubby men or have we become “mainstream”? Tune in as the cubs share their feelings on the subject while waxing nostalgia about bearish actors of yore.

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Bears in Entertainment Media Today

Given the changes in the media landscape over the past decades, is there any bear representation today? Do we continue to see fatphobia in the entertainment media, especially when it comes to men regardless of their self-identified sexual orientation? Has the bear community peaked in the media as the broader LGBTQ+ family continues integrating into the broader world society?

In The Last Us’ zombie hellscape… – The Guardian Article

 

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COL636: LoR: Love Languages

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys show how they feel the love within the five love languages. From learning what the languages are to sharing their results, listen in as the guys gift us some touching acts of quality words to help understand how these languages affirm the love and affection one can feel for their loved ones. In addition, learn more about more recent developments in the love languages from neurodivergent to kink play dynamics.

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Landscape of Relationships: Love Languages

Love Languages (Gary Chapman):

  1. Words of Affirmation 
  2. Quality Time
  3. Acts of Service 
  4. Gifts
  5. Physical Touch 

The 5 Love Languages (according to Britney, Bitch!):

  • Physical Touch: My loneliness is killing me
  • Words of Affirmation: I must confess I still believe
  • Quality Time: When I’m not with you I lose my mind
  • Give Giving: Give me a sign
  • Acts of Service: Hit me baby one more time

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages:

  • Infodumping
  • Parallel Play
  • Support Swapping
  • Please Crush My Soul Back into My Body
  • “I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it”

Comparison of Results:

Gary Chapman, PhD, 1992, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts 

Fear not: John Gottman and the Gottman approach, which I reference often, is a good overlap with the 5 languages of love….and allows some flexibility with the concepts.

BDSM and Love Languages  

Have Fun With It

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COL590: HAH: The Event

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by the delightfully twisted Paul Lanner! The cubs catch up with Paul and his updates to the Haunters Against Hate organization in preparation for its first large scale event. From fellow haunters to workshops and more, Paul shares the details of this inaugural fundraiser.

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Paul Lanner of Haunters Against Hate returns to the podcast [see COL483] to talk about the newest items of his endeavors. One of them is the announcement of ‘The Event’ where HAH is creating a haunt convention in Louisville, KY Friday July 30th thru Sunday Aug 1st, 2021!

 

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