Tag Archives: listen

COL729: LTA… The Love Bug

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About… For this episode, the guys talk about love–exciting and new. From feeling romantic vibes to just feeling randy, find out how the cubs feel about finding love, being in love, and what love means to them.

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LTA… The Love Bug

When it comes to the romantic side of our hosts, what do they feel describes them as being in love? Are there specific feelings, actions, behaviors that we universally feel show love for others? Have we ever been ‘bitten by the love bug’? Did we get over the itch?

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COL555: The Landscape of Relationships – Part 4

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss the landscape of relationships. In this fourth installment, Edward and the cubs break down the complicated emotion of jealousy and how it affects romantic and other relationships. Is jealousy truly a green-eyed monster or just simply misunderstood?

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The Landscape of Relationships – Jealousy

Jealousy Quotes 

“Beware….of jealousy!  It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock/The meat it feeds on.”-Iago, Othello, William Shakespeare

“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” – Maya Angelou 

“Jealousy is not a barometer by which the depth of love can be read, it merely records the degree of the lover’s insecurity.” – Margaret Mead 

Cognitive Triangle 

Emotions

  • Emotions are needed for survival 

Universally accepted expressions of feelings 

Notice there are more “negative emotions” than “positive emotions”….why?

Complex Emotions 

examples : Grief, Regret, Jealousy, Envy

  • Complex emotions include various emotional states (e.g. grief is the one we are most familiar with….Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance).  Freud’s model of Jealousy includes four major components:  Grief (pain of losing a relationship), Realization (we can’t have everything we want), Enmity (towards the “winner” of affection/attention), and Anger towards ourselves that we are not good enough.
  • Complex emotions  vary based on the person, situation, and culture….therefore, we can not rely on universally accepted facial expression.

Jealousy

  • What is it?  Jealousy is a complex emotion that includes feelings of anger, sadness, fear.  Typically experienced when a person experienced a threat to a relationship.
  • DISCLAIMER:  This feeling is not only reserved for romantic relationships.  We can have feelings of jealousy in familial, work, and friend relationships.  
  • Is it normal?  Absolutely.  Evolutionary scientists have shown that animals, such as dogs, experience jealousy.  It is a necessary emotion in order to preserve social bonds.  While it may be normal, it may not be helpful.  
  • People who experience jealousy in relationships, not shockingly, report decreased relationship satisfaction.
  • Why am I feeling Jealous? Research suggests that low self-esteem, possessiveness over others, high neuroticism , fear of abandonment are predictors of jealousy.  
  • Suspicious jealous-feeling stimulated by a thought or a feeling….this is typically due to an attachment trauma, self-conscious, low self esteem.  
  • Reactive jealousy-feeling stimulated by an actual event or triggers.  (Second Life study)

 

What Do We Do?

 

  • Work on yourself first….

 

      • What is your relationship with jealousy?  Do you have a pattern of jealousy in your life?  How intense?  
      • What are you feeling (angry, sad, or afraid)?  
      • What evidence do we have?  What am I thinking about?  
      • Why am I feeling this way? Am I envious?  At whom or what?  
      • How am I experiencing this physically?  If I feel tense, can I relax? 
      • Notice that your thoughts and emotions shift and change….this isn’t going to last forever.
      • Once you do this….then we can talk to our partner.
      • Communicate with your partner your feelings.  Recognize that jealousy isn’t a bad thing.  Discuss boundaries.

 

  • If your partner is the one who is jealous….

 

    • Listen to them….completely (Mantra: Just Shut Up and Listen!)
    • Don’t respond 
    • Reflect back what you are hearing
    • Practice empathy
    • Recognize that the jealous says more about them than it does about you.  

Addressing your Jealousy 

  • Refer to The Jealousy Workbook Chapter 17 through the end 
    • Buddhism, mindfulness, meditation, attachment 
    • Eye Movement, Desensitization, and Reprocessing (EMDR) 
    • Positive affirmations
    • Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) CBT therapy that disects thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Compersion

  • Combination of pleasant feelings and thoughts towards your partner when they are in a positive romantic relationship with someone else.  
  • Turning jealousy into compersion….finding neutrality.  Increase empathy.  Look through their eyes.
  • Constriction to expansion.
  • Exclusion, abandonment, and deprivation to belonging, autonomy, and responsibility.  

Review:

  • Jealousy is a normal emotion, but not always helpful.
  • Listen to what jealousy is telling you as the person experiencing it or the person receiving it.  
  • Don’t avoid that you are on the ride.
  • Communicate 
  • If you feel you suffer from anxious attachment, talking to someone is helpful. 

Resources 

Books:  

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COL538: 2019 Year in Review

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs celebrate the start of the new decade (it’s debatable) by looking back at the year 2019. This episode is for the numerates as the guys review the numbers and also share their favorite parts of 2019. And, as the dawn of 2020 comes over the horizon, listen in as they share what they are looking forward to.


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Reviewing the Year that was 2019 for the podcast and our lives.

The Numbers:

  • Episodes: 
    • 49 public COL episodes released
    • 1 Patreon Only episodes released
    • 20 COLDR episodes released
  • Social Media:
    • 9 New Tumblr followers  [481 total]
    • 10 New Instagram followers [188 total] 
    • 43 New Twitter followers  [594 total]
  • YouTube 
    • 11,352 Views
    • 50 Likes
    • 2,600 Comments 
    • 32 New Subscribers 

Most popular video on YouTube: 

Most Downloaded Podcast (per Podtrac):

Favorite COL Episode in 2019

  • Gary: COL514: Trans Bear Listener – YouTube or Blog

Things You’ll Remember Most About 2019

  • Jeff: Sister’s Wedding
  • Damon: Hospital Stay/Pup Contest
  • Gary: Life Recovery and Mom’s Passing 

Things Looking Forward to in 2020

  • Jeff: Voting Out Trump
  • Damon: Getting Healthier/GALA 2020 
  • Gary: New Opportunities and Personal Growth

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COL406: All T, No Shade: Racism

In this episode Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by two CA pups, Pup Beacon and Pup Yoshi, to do another “All T, No Shade” episode. This time around, the topic is the sensitive subject of racism and the gay community. In this first part, we dig deep into the subject of preference versus prejudice and the issue with “No blacks, no asians” that is seen in online profiles. Get ready for a very thought provoking discussion.

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Getting back into Raiding .  . . and farming?
  • Damon: Best Laid Plans..
  • Chester: Birthday party for Pugsley!
  • Gary: Brain Break Roadtrip
  • Beacon: MAL a couple months ago, CLAW next month
  • Yoshi: Recently became an ONYX member, Japan vacation

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  • curvesandcrevices
    • Re: COL398: Bud Sex – Catching up on some missed episodes; this one was SO educational! I’ve clearly missed out on a lot in life. ? Thanks guys!
    • Re: COL404: Show Topic Not Found – I’m with Damon, back hair is sexy

Weekly Topic

All T, No Shade: Racism

To Be Continued

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