In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags
What are Relationship Flags?
- Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.
- They can be red, yellow, or green.
Red Flags
- Controlling behaviors
- Violence
- Emotional and verbal abuse
- Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
- Walking on eggshells
- Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
- Using things against you that were told in confidence
- Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical
Yellow Flags
- All or nothing communication
- Pushes boundaries
- Codependency or enmeshment
- Difficulty with finding things in common
- Lack of similarities with goals and values
- These can be improved upon in meaningful ways
Green Flags
- Healthy communication
- Respecting boundaries
- Interdependence
- Supportive of goals and values
- Knowing love languages
- Awareness that no relationship is perfect
Let’s Get Kinky
Red Flags in Kink
- Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
- Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
- Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does
- Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends
- Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
- Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
- Dismiss opinions
- Dictate how your dynamic will go
Green Flags in Kink
- Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
- They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
- They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
- They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
- They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
- They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems
If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
Resources
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