Tag Archives: journey

COL669: LoR: Relationship Anarchy

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Damon is away this week celebrating his birthday, but have no fear dear listeners – because Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke has returned! From scripts to relationship values, the guys discuss determining what each of us wants and needs.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Relationship Anarchy

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the topic of Relationship Anarchy. Who doesn’t love disorder in their connections with others? Perhaps that isn’t what it means. Let’s learn together!

Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy post 

The term Relationship anarchist (also commonly called RA) was coined by Ardie Nordgren. Nordgren created the Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy in 2006. The Manifesto is a quick and easy read consisting of 9 principles of RA: 

  1. Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique
  2. Love and respect instead of entitlement 
  3. Find your core set of relationship values
  4. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you
  5. Build for the lovely unexpected
  6. Fake it til’ you make it
  7. Trust is better
  8. Change through communication
  9. Customize your commitments

“Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. This approach ‘encourages people to let their core values guide how they choose and craft their relationship commitments rather than relying on social norms to dictate what is right for you,” Dedeker Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast

Relationship Anarchists is different and distinctive from polyamory and consensual non-monogamy because while a majority of RA practitioners may be poly and/or CNM, you can be monogamous and still practice RA.  

Choose your own adventure relationships. “Designer Relationships” by Mark A. Michaels

This is in line with our last LOR topic of amatonormativity. Many ace and aro individuals are using RA as a way to navigate their relationships and future relationships, because RA can apply to any and all types of relationships, not just romantic or sexual. There is no hierarchy.

Play

COL632: LoR: Goals & Accountability

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys come together in the new year to discuss goals and accountability. As many begin each year making new year’s resolutions that they often never keep,  listen in as Ed and the cubs break down the reasons why this may be a regular occurrence. From creating your goal roadmap to making yourself accountable for the roads you take, listen in as the guys give yet another perspective on the wandering journey of relationship building.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Goals & Accountability

New Years resolutions

The Hobbit and LOTR “The Road Goes Ever On”

The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

  • Gotta know what “The Road” or our values are.  

Values List 

Four Domains 

  • Work/Education 
  • Relationships
  • Leisure 
  • Personal Health and Wellness 

Translating Values into Goals – “Be a mapmaker”

  • Chose three guiding values 
  • SMART goals (Specific, Meaningful, Adaptive, Realistic, Timely)
  • Immediate (24 hours), Short Term, Medium-Term goals, Long-Term goals
  • Living Goals vs Dead Person Goals
  • Make sure you are heading in the right direction.  Ex. downhill skiing
  • Expected barriers 

Accountability 

  • We are ultimately responsible for our actions 
  • We get to be accountable to the goals we set for ourselves and the map that we make.
  • Feelings, situations, emotions, urges, memories are going to happen.  Make sure you have the needed resources.
  • Be mindful of avoidance and unhelpful sticky thought patterns
  • Be willing to address unhelpful patterns
  • Remember: you can always change your course, but at what and whose expense?  Honor your values and your commitments 
  • Let someone know your goals and work towards shared accountability.
  • Feeling guilty?  Good. You have values. 
  • Remember, not all those who wander are lost. Keep going.  
  • Progress is not always a straight line.  

 

Play

COL580: LTAS: Sides

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, Let’s Talk About Sex!  The guys are joined by resident Sex Therapist Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss “sides”. You know of tops, bottoms, and versatiles; but do you know about sides? Listen in as the cubs define this role in the MSM community and what it means in the sexual spectrum.

Show Topic

Sides 

  • Definition?

Joe Kort developed the term in 2013 after not engaging in anal intercourse and feeling frustrated answering the “top or bottom” question.  “Can I be a side?”

A side is typically a man who has sex with another man (MSM) who does not engage in anal intercourse or penetration as it is not part of their erotic orientation.  Erotic orientation reflects your sexual fantasies, desires, and sexual behaviors.  

Self-labels (labels used to describe anal sex behaviors….or does it):

  • Top 
  • Bottom 
  • Versatile 
    • What if you don’t fit into any of those groups?  shame…guilt….FOMO…et al. 
  • Sides 

Articles:

Videos: Barry Birkholz

Book: Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment 

Podcast: Smart Sex, Smart Love: Episode 50 Side Guys

  • Awareness?
    • Side Guys Facebook Group  (currently 323 members)
    • Many different presentations of sides 
    • Sex is not just penetration 
    • Navigating conversations about being a “side” 
    • Inclusive language verse exclusive language 
  • Acceptance?

Backlash from gay community…

  • Interest?
Play

COL518: Favorite Fantasies

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys discuss some of their favorite fantasies. From locker rooms to truck stops and campgrounds to blindfolds, the cubs delve into their memories to pull out some fantastic moments and also try to understand where their fantasies come from. Can the fantasy become reality or is it best to keep it unattainable?

Show Topic

The guys discuss their favorite fantasies; be they since puberty or last week.

Download Podcast

Play

COL301: Jeff Rockcub, Dirty Water Revival Album Release

DWRcover_artIn this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we sit down with Jeff Rockcub to discuss the release of his newest album, Dirty Water Revival. From his creative process while writing music to getting the band together, we interview Jeff as he tells the story behind the album on the heels of his CD release party. All this and more.

Play

What’s Going On?

  • [Jeff] – Caffeine!
  • [Damon] – Cell Phone Story
  • [Gary] – Stuff

Did I Do That?

  • [Damon] – Whoops!

Feedback:

FB Likes:

  • John Patterson

UrbanDictionary

Weekly Topic

Jeff (Rockcub) Workman – Dirty Water Revival Release

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Download Podcast