Tag Archives: hypermasculinity

COL692: LoR: Sexual Scripts

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back as the guys turn the pages on sexual scripts. Follow line by line as Ed and the cubs break down what sexual scripts are, where they come from and what happens when you go “off book.” Editing, improv and flipping the script are not just for the stage anymore!

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Scripts

What are sexual scripts?

In 1986, researchers  William Simon and John H. Gagnon defined sexual scripts as the cultural and societally approved norms that a person accesses, agrees upon, and activates through a sexual socialization process.  These sexual scripts are specific to the culture a person is socialized in, which tell them what behaviors, thoughts, emotions are or are not acceptable.  People carry these scripts with them into sexual situations and they tell them how to respond.  Simon and Gagnon theorized that sexual scripts have three different categories, including socio-cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic:

Examples of cultural sexual scripts:

  • Dating culture 
  • Premarital sex 
  • Monogamy 
  • Dominance and submission
  • Heteronormative 
  • What else?

Examples of interpersonal sexual scripts:

  • Flirting/sexual negotiation
  • Consent/sexual assault 
  • Top/Bottom
  • What else?

Examples of intrapsychic sexual scripts:

  • Turn ons
  • Fantasy
  • Kinks and fetishes
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual Desire 
  • What else?

Quote from Simon & Gagnon (1986)

In the most pragmatic sense, sexual scripts must solve two problems. The first of these is gaining permission from the self to engage in desired forms of sexual behavior. The second problem is that of access to the experiences that the desired behavior is expected to generate.

What happens when we go off script or improvising?

  • Rejection
  • Non-monogamy/Poly
  • Ace/Aro
  • Relationship anarchy 
  • Sides 
  • Sexual dysfunctions
  • Mental health/Trauma 
  • What else?

What do we do when we are off-script?

Good rules of improv? 

  • Yes, and….
  • Boundaries 
  • Acknowledge
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate and….
  • Communicate!  (especially your boundaries)

 

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COL688: LoR: Sexual Desire

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Desire

First, sexual desire is complicated. 

  • Is it an emotion? Yes
  • Is it a motivation? Yes
  • Is it a state of being? Yes
  • Is it required to have sex? Not necessarily

Sexual desire is the interest (or lack of interest) toward engaging in sexual activity.  This presents itself with thoughts, feelings, and fantasies.   Some people look at sexual desire existing on a spectrum from disgust to neutral to excited.

One way I have heard sexual desire described is akin to hunger.  And I like this analogy for a few reasons that we will discuss.  

Let’s go back to the idea of a smorgasbord….let’s imagine that there is not a Golden Corral that can hold the variety of sexual desire (Rule 34 of the Internet).  So when we talk about sexual desire, the limit does not seem to exist.  

What impacts sexual desire?

  • Biology/Evolution
    • Age can be a factor, Propagation of the species (sex as a reward); amygdala (emotional center) and hypothalamus (responsible for sexual arousal) Men’s desire is more based on visual cues when compared to women, cued interest “we don’t know why we desire something” v. uncued interest “has an origin story”; the “absolute territory” (Japanese zettai ryouiki), the band of skin between the bottom of the end of the skirt and the top of the socks.  Disclaimer: this is based on statistics and not all human behavior can be reduced to statistics.  If this isn’t your experience, it does not mean you are not valid.  
  • Medical
    • Low testosterone, heart disease, Cancer, physical pain, psychotropic medications
  • Relational
    • Relationship conflict, and sexual scripts 
  • Intergenerational
    • Abuse and religiosity and culture 
  • Psychological
    • Anxiety, Unhelpful body/sexual narratives, other sexual disorders
  • Social
    • Cultural sexual narratives and scripts 

“For most of Western Civilization low sexual desire has been a goal, not a problem.” – David Schnarch 

  • In a sex negative world, no wonder people are so confused about their sexual desires or lack thereof.  Remember the sexual smorgasbord idea?  If dominating cultural narratives created the smorgasbord, then there would only be a few options for a few people….the rest would be closed.

Resources:

 

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COL503: Gayming Characters

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs welcome back the adorkable Chris Diorio to geek out on some gaming representation. The cubs converse about the video game industry and characters that are part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum. How has the changing culture of gay acceptance affected the characters depicted in modern gaming? Is it just lip service or part of the game development? With Chris’s experience and inside knowledge, the cubs delve into these questions and more.

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Discussion with Guest Host Chris D on ‘gayming’ characters in video games and how the player communities have reacted to date.

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COL473: More Fats, More Femmes

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys talk about the diversity of the bear community. In its over 30 years of existence, the guys give their opinions how much or how little it has changed in terms of inclusion, diversity, body positivity and more. Is this a trend heading towards inclusivity or a sign of the end of bear times?

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What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Insomnia and the Pokèmon addiction
  • Damon: Coworker Fun/Board Retreat
  • Gary: Rebalancing

Feedback:

Facebook Likes:

  • Gaith Shablow
  • Marco Gomez John Slater

YouTube Comment:

  • Re: COL472: Giving/Taking… Compliments
    • Woofy – I have a habit of when I get a compliment I have a compulsive need to throw one back, even if I’m not interested. Something I need to work on, to just accept the compliment with a thanks.

Social Media Comment:

  • To Jeff: RE: COL472: bostonareabear on Bear411: “Are you gonna talk or are you gonna gloss your lips?” Funniest line of the last COL podcast.
  • To Damon: RE: COL471: Gonzo Gonzales “I just heard your podcast on body positivity and wanna thank you for thinking of me. I was in tears. Love you so much.”

Show Topic

More Fats, More Femmes – we like to see diversity, but …

    • Where is the diversity in the Bear Community?
    • How much have things changed in nearly 30 years?
    • Are we satisfied with what is represented today?
    • Is Tumblr the new bear porn for showing the reality of bodies and sex?

I’ll Tumbl For Ya:

Links:

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COL434: Tom of Finland

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys discuss the legendary gay artist known as Tom of Finland. With the new biopic coming out soon, the cubs speak on the work and imagery of Tom of Finland and question its relevance to gay culture. What impact did these hypermasculine images have on the guys?

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Must Complete Outfit!
  • Damon: Fancy Dinner/All the MEAT
  • Chester: Puppies, everywhere
  • Gary: NOLA good times, legal to travel

Did I Do That?

  • Lunch with a Movie Bear

Feedback:

Facebook Comment/Post:

  • Brad Harris: So great hanging out with you, Jeffery!
    • I hung out with him before it was cool. 😛 – chester
    • Brad: We were just talking about that, haha! Ah, memories. ❤️

Instagram:

  • Beardlovenet I love this !!
  • Beardetiquette we’re shouting out anyone who subscribes to our channel (link in bio) and sends us a screenshot.

 

Twitter Followers:

Tumblr Followers:

Weekly Topic

Tom of Finland coming to the masses in a biopic that has been making the film festival circuit. Tom of Finland Opens 10/13 in New York and 10/20 in San Francisco and Los Angeles before expanding to select cities.

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For Ya:

Links:

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