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COL692: LoR: Sexual Scripts

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back as the guys turn the pages on sexual scripts. Follow line by line as Ed and the cubs break down what sexual scripts are, where they come from and what happens when you go “off book.” Editing, improv and flipping the script are not just for the stage anymore!

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Scripts

What are sexual scripts?

In 1986, researchers  William Simon and John H. Gagnon defined sexual scripts as the cultural and societally approved norms that a person accesses, agrees upon, and activates through a sexual socialization process.  These sexual scripts are specific to the culture a person is socialized in, which tell them what behaviors, thoughts, emotions are or are not acceptable.  People carry these scripts with them into sexual situations and they tell them how to respond.  Simon and Gagnon theorized that sexual scripts have three different categories, including socio-cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic:

Examples of cultural sexual scripts:

  • Dating culture 
  • Premarital sex 
  • Monogamy 
  • Dominance and submission
  • Heteronormative 
  • What else?

Examples of interpersonal sexual scripts:

  • Flirting/sexual negotiation
  • Consent/sexual assault 
  • Top/Bottom
  • What else?

Examples of intrapsychic sexual scripts:

  • Turn ons
  • Fantasy
  • Kinks and fetishes
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual Desire 
  • What else?

Quote from Simon & Gagnon (1986)

In the most pragmatic sense, sexual scripts must solve two problems. The first of these is gaining permission from the self to engage in desired forms of sexual behavior. The second problem is that of access to the experiences that the desired behavior is expected to generate.

What happens when we go off script or improvising?

  • Rejection
  • Non-monogamy/Poly
  • Ace/Aro
  • Relationship anarchy 
  • Sides 
  • Sexual dysfunctions
  • Mental health/Trauma 
  • What else?

What do we do when we are off-script?

Good rules of improv? 

  • Yes, and….
  • Boundaries 
  • Acknowledge
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate and….
  • Communicate!  (especially your boundaries)

 

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COL681: WGO: January 2023

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of January. As winter chills the air, the guys warm you up with their monthly shenanigans. From new podcasts to new jobs they didn’t want, slide along with the cubs through another month.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Forced Focus
  • Damon: New Podcast / Home Repairs
  • Gary: Ok-yeah, coulda been bettah

Feedback 

Twitter Followers

  • @Nerdy_Bear90
  • @RoelRisque
  • @CubsterDan
  • @SirRafalot
  • @jaf97f
  • @bigboyproject1
  • @czechbears
  • @theurbanbear

Facebook Follows:                               

  • World Bear Weekend
  • Movie Bears Podcast
  • Hood Geek
  • HiBearNation

Facebook Follows & Likes:

  • Ricky Rhein
  • Peter Chan
  • Jay Hines
  • Joshua Michael Findlay
  • Pedro Luis Gil Sol
  • Boyan Mitevski
  • Libyan Libico
  • Tom Webb
  • Ozzito Ocarn
  • Stephen Flanigan
  • Sun Leonard
  • Benjamin Baker
  • Thierry Soriano
  • Eric Brown Jr.
  • Edward Anders
  • Yaque Moctar
  • Marwan Al-helwani
  • Terry DA Silva
  • Michael Bolima
  • Stuart Dunlap
  • Luis Cyfere
  • خليو مركس [Cello Marks in Arabic]
  • Landon Shonuff-is Hall
  • Richard Lutz
  • Arimateia Monteiro
  • Hughes Skipper
  • Anwarkoto
  • Jarrett Bliz
  • Bear Skn

Email:

Submission from BuilTABear:

Hey Guys! I am listening to your podcast COL514: Trans Bear Listener. 

First — GOOD JOB! Thank you for bringing up the topic of trans guys! Please note — not all trans guys are the same or have the same needs, critiques or sensitivities. MANY (not all) guys who are earlier in the process (first 5 years) can be SUPER SENSITIVE about just about everything and often have NO idea they are being that way.  I know it’s not politically correct to say that – but it’s the painful truth. After a handful of years living life passing as a cis man we learn to understand the whole world is not out to make us all miserable or be disrespectful to us. ugh. Some guys can really be hard work. Just like any other community, there are some cool guys and some really ODD guys.  Mileage may vary :-0   

I thought I’d share some of my thoughts about what your email guest had to say: 

  • FEMALE genitalia = In my general experience I agree, we usually prefer words like birth born parts, genetic bits, front business, ANYTHING but being reminded about the emotionally painful word “female” when you are talking about a trans guy. Testosterone makes some pretty significant changes to it and it’s not “standard issue female parts” after a short while anyhow. 
  • JUNK = agree, just ask the guy what he wants his junk called (don’t offer options – just ask) 
  • Bottom Surgery = not being attracted to someone who has had bottom surgery. 

Again, those who HAVE HAD bottom surgery are often super sensitive about rejection (as might be expected!). There are some trans guys who have had bottom surgery realizing folks (including other trans guys) are NOT into them BECAUSE of the lower surgery choice. VERY ouchie. Very VERY ouchie (I’d imagine). That’s a lot of work mentally, surgery and money to go through to realize you just put yourself into a VERY narrow date scene.  I know of two trans men who committed suicide because of this topic. Saying I’d never have sex with a trans guy who has had bottom surgery is simply unnecessary and rude. It’s like saying “i’d never have sex with a guy with a small penis”  — you might think it in your mind and maybe have a general desire for guys 6” or more, but going around admitting you’re a size queen is not pretty. Hope this helps!

Kindly, BuilTABear

Patreon Updates

  • Happy One Year Anniversary to Uber patron Tim on 1/15 
  • Happy Upcoming 4 Year Anniversary to Ubehr patron Li on 1/31 
  • BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons: 
    • Cubsters: Charles W., Daniel C., and Michael K.
    • Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
    • plus our Buddies: Lloyd G., Michael V., and Oan R.!

Recent Shows

  • COL677: WGO: December 2022
  • COL678: LTAF: New Year, New Dishes
  • COL679: 15 Years and Counting
  • COL680: LoR: Parasocial Interactions

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Each of us find and share something on Twitter that we link to.

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COL672: OTR: World Bear Weekend 2022

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, believe it or not – we have a new On the Road show! After a multi-year hiatus [thanks COVID *sarcastic*], Damon and Gary report from Orlando Florida on their experiences at World Bear Weekend 2022. Let’s just say things did not go as planned. From delayed flights to bears sweatin’ in the heat.

 

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COL650: WGO: May 2022

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of May. As the unofficial start to summer begins, catch up with the guys as they deal with work issues, traveling and finding the best spot for a wedding. In addition, the guys got a lot of feedback after this month with plenty of likes and comments that gave them much to discuss.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Oh, yay, hiring spree. 🙁
  • Damon:  Wedding Venues and Nashville
  • Gary: Up, Down, Sideways, and All Around

Feedback 

Facebook Likes:

  • Marc E Johnson
  • Sterling Aragon
  • Robert Bruce
  • Mike Guzman
  • Joseph Thompson
  • Mark D Rogers
  • Richard Humphries
  • Carlos Perez
  • Donnie Lockwood
  • Robert Prazner
  • Jason Bolton-Lambert
  • Harry Wright
  • Ruben Rios
  • BaoBao Lai
  • Damien Leahy
  • Louis LaBella
  • Jimm Baker
  • Brad Savage
  • Pedraza Jr Rodolfo
  • James Diele-Stein
  • Rennie Thomas
  • Mario Jimenez
  • Steven Remsing
  • Hassan Soliman
  • Jonathan A Crockett
  • Colin Ashante
  • Gonzalo Sos
  • Peter Stevenson

YouTube Subscribers:

  • spreilly2

YouTube Comment:

  • COL647: Consent in 2022: Oan – “Jeff: “we can blame this all on the millennial.” Me: “what did I do?”
  • COL647: Consent in 2022: Berty Bertface – “You probably cover this in the show, but I believe the effect of social media on Gen Y and even worse still Gen Z, has not been a positive one. Consent or permission is absent from the younger generations. And they are having an impact in daily life. It’s the “Better to beg for forgiveness, than ask for permission” moto of Gen Z. Which is sooooo much fun, right up until you have kids, and they use it on you. Gen Z especially speak and act as though they are living permanently in a comment section, using terrible gramnar and appalling diction. They speak in an unfiltered manner, with such strong conviction that their opinion is the only one that should be heard. It’s not their fault however. Perhaps any generation that had (in certain circumstances) unrestricted access to incredible ammounts of information and disinformation all at once, in a easily digestible format, all at the touch of your fingers tips, would end up exactly the same? As well as the boldening of people’s opinions, many are far less tolerant, and far too sensitive than years past. P.C. (now wokeness) has gone haywire, and there is becoming less and less room for discourse. Internet pseudo science runs rampant in the minds of the young, who are armed only with opinions and feelings, whilst completely denying facts. Rant over, Soz.”
  • COL645: LTAS: Aging Adult Entertainers: Jonathan – “Hi guys. It’s terribly sad about Paul Reed Yinger a.k.a. Steve “Titpig” Hurley passing away as he was one of my favourite adult performers. A strong manly man who never disappointed onscreen. Like you, I often wonder about other performers who are no longer present onscreen and who I have this snapshot of in my brain but who haven’t performed in a long time now. I’m especially thinking about Will West and Ed Diamond, who specialised in bareback porn. There’s a hot scene with Titpig and Will West in a movie called Will West Raw. Then there’s Paul Morgan who did both gay and straight porn and was a prolific performer before vanishing. I guess I just want to know that these guys are out there, happy and healthy and when they leave the movie scene and aren’t heard of again, it’s almost impossible to know. Anyhow, great show and thanks for making mention of Mr. Yinger and raising the topic about ageing adult entertainers.” 
  • COL649: LOR: Red Flags, Green Flags: Oan – “Hey, so I had a question. I don’t know if Ed will ever read this but to the hosts, what would the social protocol be if you want to use the word “sir” in like a courtesy type manner while addressing a person who also happens to be in the bear (leather/bdsm/insert other category here) community?”

Twitter Followers

  • @MariusFizesan4
  • @jasonk1227
  • @KubbyJKev
  • @jeremycub
  • @pup_astrom 

Twitter Message:

  • “need some advice, my guy want to have a threesome. Not sure if I’m interested right now. how should I talk with him?”

Patreon Updates

  • BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons! 
    • Cubsters: Charles W. 
    • Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
    • plus our Buddies: Lloyd G., Michael V, and Zack B.

Recent Shows

  • COL646: WGO: April 2022
  • COL647: Consent in 2022
  • COL648: Voting in 2022
  • COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

Shout Out

Obtw, previous guest Paul Lanner has an event coming up soon and would love to see you there. Visit HAH The Event.com for info for support and attending.

Also… remember when we had previous guest Joshua Pangborn from SideKick Productions on for the award winning series Skeleton Crew? Well they have a new project underway with their film “A Taste of Youth” where a fundraising campaign has been launched with Indiegogo. Consider supporting Queer Horror and Fat Positivity content by visiting A Taste of Youth.com to see how you can help make this horror feature happen.

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COL623: What’s Going On – October 2021

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of October. It’s the end of Halloween month and the cubs bring us up to date on their lives as harvest closes. From working times to vacation vibes, it’s been quite the busy month for the guys.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Nesting and Achievements
  • Damon: Enjoying the Swing and Time Off
  • Gary: Ramped Up and Getting Busier

Feedback 

Facebook Likes:

  • Andrew Edwards
  • Blu McDavid
  • Thomas McDonagh
  • Khan Khans

Facebook Comment/Post:

  • Edward AC re: COL621: LoR: Creating Your Party: – Here is the image we were discussing!

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Enrique Balzaretti

YouTube Comment:

  • Oan R. re: COL620: LTAF: It’s Autumn Time – Damon: – What do you prefer in your apple.  Me: I prefer Gary. He’s the apple of my eye. Also Gary should get some cranberries and pecans, a nice pie crust and some flour and cinnamon for topping. Maybe throw some crystallized ginger in there too.
  • dindin mooshi re: COL621: LoR: Creating Your Party – Good topic, interesting discussion, relationship dynamics and interactions of LGBTQIA ppl are so peculiar, we are so different compared to the heteros. PS: Thank you ED. 

Twitter Comment:

  • @Awq_Oan Oct 3: Thoughts on today’s episode of @cubsoutloud from the : Man, I must say, Gary was looking nice today. Also, they all had some interesting points about the things. Yes. Well done.
  • @Awq_Oan – Oct 15: Anybody remember when on @cubsoutloud Jeff started talking about apples and Damon was saying how much he hated applesauce and then Gary was talking about how he has to many apples and I was just thinking about rubbing against his beard? Good times.
  • @Awq_Oan – Oct 15: G A R L I C S A L T E D B O O T Y H O L E @cubsoutloud

Recent Shows

  • COL619: WGO: September 2021 
  • COL620: LTAF: It’s Autumn Time
  • COL621: Landscape of Relationships: Creating Your Party
  • COL622: LTAS: Horror Stories

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