Tag Archives: comfort

COL727: LTAF: Mac ‘n Cheese

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About Food. This time, the guys get cheesy as they discuss the classic comfort food: mac & cheese. Whether from a box or made from scratch, listen in as the guys share their feelings on this decadent, feel-good delight.

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Let’s Talk About Food: Mac ‘n Cheese

It’s the winter season, and sometimes we want a homey comfort dish that hits just right. With the different kinds of mac ‘n cheese out there, can we agree on our preferences?

Wikipedia

  • From Scratch vs Prepared vs Boxed
  • Flavor Enhanced [add-ins, toppings, etc]
  • Speciality Versions [deep fried wedges/balls, stuffed eggrolls, inside sandwiches, etc.]

Mac & Cheese Videos

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COL725: LoR: Adulting

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss how adulting is a part of our lives. From anxiety to accomplishments, it’s a discussion about how we move through avoiding responsibilities to the other side.

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Landscape of Relationships: Adulting

What is adulting? 

“The characteristic of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult; especially the accomplishments of mundane but necessary tasks.”

Avoidance

  • the action of keeping away from or not doing something. 

Experiential avoidance 

  • the unwillingness to remain in contact with aversive experiences such as painful feelings, thoughts, and emotions
  • the relief that comes after you don’t do something 
  • instead of doing things that i need to do, i end up playing videos on tiktok or playing little games, or a get distracted 

Workability 

  • the concept of how our reaction to our thoughts are helpful or unhelpful and moving us towards the person we want to be.  Less focus on whether our thoughts are right or not.  

Example 

EAC Therapy 2023 Business goals 

  • Moving completely independent, get credentialed with insurance companies, and get my Sex Therapy Certification 
  • I was unwilling to make room for the anxiety that came along with the thought of failure 
  • Not doing them was easier than doing them….and I ALWAYS had an excuse NOT to do them.

Bullet Journal method 

  • an analog productivity tool that is designed to help someone structure their tasks with rapid logging.  
  • Ryder Carrol designed this method to help get people into action faster 
  • separated into rapid logging, monthly logs, weekly logs, and then daily logs
  • think of it like a more structured to-do list

1-2-3-4 Method

  1. Quick and easy task
  2. Cleaning task 
  3. In-depth task 
  4. Something fun to you
  • Categorize your rapid log into the 1,2,3 or 4
  • Pick one thing from each category and do each of them until you are done….then repeat as much as your can until you are done for your day 
  • The science tells us that if you can do something quick and easy then you have the momentum into a cleaning task.  Then you are already up, might as well complete that big task you have been putting off.  Once you are done, you can watch the season finale of that show you have been watching.  

Dr. Edward’s suggestions:

  • Be kind to yourself, Be realistic, Be brave and you will be ready.  
  • Get an accountability partner 
  • “Of course, I don’t want to do this. It’s okay to feel scared about this.”
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COL717: LoR: Healing Our Queer Inner Child

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss the psychological concept of the inner child. Initiating from a conversation about Bluey (who knew?), the idea of finding connections to your inner child to heal from the potential harm caused by trauma comes to the forefront in this installment. Listen in as Ed leads the guys on ways to cope with and celebrate with their inner child to bring about healing and growth.

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Landscape of Relationships: Healing Our Queer Inner Child

Our Inner Child is a self-state part of us that is still experiencing and processing emotions, thoughts, and memories from that time but also is playful, spontaneous, and creative. Erik Erikson’s stages of development suggests that we have MULTIPLE inner children/adolescent/emerging adults within us.  

Inner Child is a common topic in therapy 

  • Writing letters to your childhood self
  • Engaging in playful, creative, and spontaneous behaviors 
  • Mindfulness or meditation 

Current topic re: Inner Child “Bluey”

Queer Authenticity 

“Queer people don’t grow up as themselves, we grow up playing  a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimize humiliation and prejudice.  The massive task of our adult lives is to unpick which parts of ourselves that are truly us and which parts we created to protect us.” -Alexander Leon

How can we heal our queer inner child?

  • First, talk to a therapist
  • Start asking yourself what you needed growing up and do that
  • Edward’s Disney adventure
  • Music
  • Concerts
  • Playing games
  • Watching cartoons
  • ….get creative!
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COL651: LTAS: Internet Security

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another installment of Let’s Talk About Sex. The cubs are joined by the adorkable Tony aka Cubziz to discuss sex toys and internet security. While it seems like an odd topic of sexual discussion, listen in as Tony and the guys break down how safe (and potentially unsafe) our pleasure devices can be. From hacking the system to displaying your location, the cubs give you the lowdown on your toys and grant you insight on how to keep yourself safe when you’re looking to get off.

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Lets Talk About Sex: Internet Security

In today’s tech age, how safe are the newest ways we enjoy ourselves alone and with others? Are the ‘internet of things’ sex toys secure? Can they be hacked? Let’s talk about that.

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Initially this was brought up in a TED Talk by Ken Munro “We need to talk about sex toys and cyber security”, posted to Youtube back in April.

Points to mention:

  • Ethical Hacking
  • Comfort when talking about Sex and Safety
  • IoT tends to get ignored regarding safety
  • Location Data is rarely considered as a security risk, especially for IoT, but these devices identify themselves.
  • He avoids talking about specific toy brands. I will use brand names as that is what people are familiar with, but I cannot correlate his research with those specific brands, so don’t use my references to interpret what HE found in his research. (IE I’m translating for a different crowd, so I’m trying to make it easier without dancing around toy names.)

Scenario: IML

Cock Cages, Shock Collars, Vibrators, Butt Plugs, TENS, Cock Rings, etc.

Imagine if suddenly the entire hotel is filled with screams as every device is cranked to max and then the wireless capabilities are disabled (so they cannot be disabled remotely). Imagine the chaos. And it’s all radio frequencies.

Type of service:

  • Cloud – Internet/Cloud based. May use Wifi to talk directly to device, but usually do through phone. Examples: Hush, Cellmate, Pavlok.
  • Local – Control is local only, no cloud/internet server involved. Common with “knock off” devices which don’t have the back end devices. Examples: Wireless remote devices with no phone app involvement.
  • Other – Intelligence in the device. Example: Dog shock collar when a loud noise is heard.

Why is this important?

  • Answer: How does it fail on a loss of connection? Loss of service entirely? Can it be “seen”? Can it be “replayed”? And is there an emergency OFF?
    • Cloud services are internet based and as such can be blocked, hacked, go down. Does the device fail open or closed? (Fail open = Powered off. Fail closed = In an ON state.) Imagine if your ISP decided to start blocking adult content and your cock cage is now permanently locked on and you don’t even realize the ISP is blocking that traffic on cellular to your phone. Thankfully this traffic is ALMOST always encrypted as most devices are using HTTPS at this point, but not always.
    • Bluetooth can be blocked as it sits on the same frequencies as Wifi in the 2.4Ghz realm. (Wifi can go into the 5Ghz range as well though.) Wifi “jammers” are cheap. Bluetooth “jammers” are more difficult as you must be closer. But flooding is still flooding. Bluetooth does have SOME encryption, but it isn’t impossible to break but they do tend to identify themselves. ESPECIALLY if your device can be hacked (laptop, tablet, phone).
    • Local – MORE difficult, but rarely encrypted as a result. Software defined radios can usually allow replay attacks. (Thing of recording and replaying a command to turn on and go to 11. A replay attack allows that to be rebroadcast and do the same actions again. IE no encryption or tokenization.)

Location Data Issues:

  • Cellular – Allows devices to have a by-the-moment track of where you are located. Some applications provide Google Maps level details on where they are located. Imagine being in a church and setting off the electrified cock cage. 😛
  • Wifi – Limited to areas with Wifi, obviously, but how many of us at home disable devices? 
  • Bluetooth – CAN be used to determine location, but more specifically it tells someone that THIS DEVICE is located within 100 ft.

Why is location data an issue? Imagine traveling for work and being sent to a nation which executes gay men. And your cock cage is advertising all over.

Also a danger because, for example, Fitbit used to track GPS routes to “demonstrate” your running path, but also included things like times for passing certain points. Imagine someone wanted to setup an attack (physical) using this. They’d know EXACTLY where you paused for a breath, where you were most tired and started walking, where you lost cellular signal and where it caught back up. And all of this data was public for a while… yet even after it was locked down, many people SHARE this because they want the feedback from others. Convenience will always block security.

Should you be concerned?

  • ALWAYS figure out what happens if you lose connection. Determine how long this is? IE if the server doesn’t respond for a week, does it auto-unlock? Or will it stay engaged forever?
  • ALWAYS know how to respond should it go badly. Usually is just taking the device off.
  • Don’t just assume it is malicious… Microwaves screw up Bluetooth and Wifi for example, so your sub might be in the sling screaming while you went to nuke lunch for the two of you. They’re not screaming because they’re hungry.
  • ALWAYS have a backup. Example: CODEX for cock cage. 

Sample Devices/URLs:

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COL636: LoR: Love Languages

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys show how they feel the love within the five love languages. From learning what the languages are to sharing their results, listen in as the guys gift us some touching acts of quality words to help understand how these languages affirm the love and affection one can feel for their loved ones. In addition, learn more about more recent developments in the love languages from neurodivergent to kink play dynamics.

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Landscape of Relationships: Love Languages

Love Languages (Gary Chapman):

  1. Words of Affirmation 
  2. Quality Time
  3. Acts of Service 
  4. Gifts
  5. Physical Touch 

The 5 Love Languages (according to Britney, Bitch!):

  • Physical Touch: My loneliness is killing me
  • Words of Affirmation: I must confess I still believe
  • Quality Time: When I’m not with you I lose my mind
  • Give Giving: Give me a sign
  • Acts of Service: Hit me baby one more time

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages:

  • Infodumping
  • Parallel Play
  • Support Swapping
  • Please Crush My Soul Back into My Body
  • “I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it”

Comparison of Results:

Gary Chapman, PhD, 1992, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts 

Fear not: John Gottman and the Gottman approach, which I reference often, is a good overlap with the 5 languages of love….and allows some flexibility with the concepts.

BDSM and Love Languages  

Have Fun With It

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