In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we welcome back Ches and Matt to discuss the topic of protocols in a BDSM power exchange. From examples in their relationship, the cubs get to learn more about what protocols actually are and the benefits they serve the dom/sub relationship
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What’s Going On?
- [Jeff] – Molten Corgi
- [Damon] – Housebuying…meh
- [Gary] – FOOD, FRIENDSHIP, and SNOW
- [Ches] – Went to Makers Mark distillery with the huzbear yesterday; judged Mr. Crossings Leather last night – whip gone missing; getting excited for Midwest Bearfest
- [Matt] – Too good for AT&T
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From Anthony:
I am in love with this podcast! You guys are super funny and give really good advice. As someone who is young and came out fairly recently you guys have really helped me be informed I never knew I should know about as a gay man. You’re like the gay dads I wish I had. I love you guys a lot, keep doing what you’re doing and I look forward to whats next. ;3
P.S. You guys should do more stuff with Gabe, Matt, and Hadrian. And more on the road stuff with Gary. Please and thank you!
[Cubs Out Loud] Comment: “COL282: Let’s Talk About Kink – Dom/sub, you don’t say!”
From Reggie S.
Great job! I’m really a bit sad I listened to this in the car on my way to work this morning as there were so many things I wanted to write down and say here in the comments. I still have about 20 minutes more to listen to but I figure why not get it all down while it’s still got that hot french fry feeling! First of all, thank you for doing this show, you’re providing a great service. Secondly, thanks for having fantastically educated guests who don’t pull punches but delivered digestible doses of truth and education on a topic I am still coming to understand myself. I’m still new to my life as a sub; being a black man in the United States who has race play as one of his kinks has taken some getting use to. That being said, your guests made one point that resonated deeply with me and I wanted to thank them and the show for it… Function over Form. There have been many situations in my life as a gay man where I have felt very “on the outside”. Sir has proven to me that, despite any outside disqualifications I may have to any given group, I do have things to offer. I wouldn’t be so bold as to speak for Sir but he has never denied me. I am his boy. Regardless of whatever preconceived notions I still have of my outside appearance or the validity of this relationship to others, he has never failed to make me feel like his and that has in many ways allowed me to feel what it is like “on the inside”. Thanks again and keep up the great work. 😀
Weekly Topic
Protocol
- What is Protocol? [Definition, types, examples]
- Rules, rituals, formalized behaviors
- hard and fast rules
- situational suspension of protocol
- growth, progress and process
- Immediate service-based protocol
- Distance protocols
- Examples
- Speech/communication/signals
- use of titles, names, modes of speech
- check-ins, reports, being “on call”
- hand signals, gestures
- reflection protocol – diary, blog, vlog, etc.
- Clothing
- by setting
- prohibited/required items
- Body position
- presentation
- movement in groups
- Direct service
- Sexual service
- Chastity, orgasm control/denial
- Situational behavior – social, public, private
- Prohibited behaviors
- Assigned tasks/programs of behavior
- Creating/Implementing protocols in a power-exchange dynamic
- purpose (narrow vs. broad)
- personal development
- communication purposes
- expression of power imbalance
- effectiveness (review, feedback)
- changes to protocol
- protocol stagnation, when protocol becomes habitual
- pacing: too much, too little, too fast, too slow
- What is it good for? (ie. What does everybody get out of it?)
- What subs take away from protocols…
- What Doms take away from protocols…
- What outsiders take away from seeing the protocols of others…
- What happens when protocol breaks down?
- Keep it, fix it or scrap it?
- Remember to focus on purpose and effectiveness at achieving that purpose
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