Tag Archives: boundary

COL601: Landscape of Relationships: FWB

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this installment, the cubs share their thoughts on FWBs, otherwise known as friends with benefits. What are the building blocks of this type of relationship and how do you make it work? And, what exactly are the benefits?

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits

Is a friendship a relationship????

  • Thoughts?
  • Many cultures define friendships as a very important relationship
    • LGBTQ community- “chosen family”
  • Atlantic 2020 article that discussed the cultural and historical importances of friendships

The relationship escalator

A set of societal expectations for intimate relationships.  Partners follow a set of progressive set of steps, each with clear markers, with a goal in mind.

  • Making contact / Flirting
  • Initiation 
  • Claiming and defining 
  • Establishment 
  • Commitment 
  • Merging 
  • Conclusion 
  • Legacy

What does the science say about FWB relationships?

  • In 2017, 171 University of Denver students (more women than men) were surveyed on sexual satisfaction, commitment and trust of FWB relationships
  • Big takeaways? *drumroll please* communication and setting healthy boundaries
  • They found sexual satisfaction was important but so was sacrificing for the good of the partner, and not looking for the next best thing.
  • Why?  Lots of research is looking at young adults who are in school.  Romantic relationships are oftentimes an added stressor that takes away from studying.  Some students opt for FWB arrangements to reduce overall stress.  

How to make a “friendship with benefits” work.

  • FWBs are supposed to decrease pressure, not add pressure.  
  • You need to be friends in order to call it a FWB.  Those take time, trust, shared history, etc. 
  • Must be mutually beneficial and convenient 
  • If the FWB ends, you are allowed to be upset.  
  • It’s confusing to try to develop friendship founded on a sexual relationship guided by a rule system that has to be invented as you go. Or, when you’re trying to force a friendship so that you can add sex as a benefit, where does the friendship part fit in? That’s putting the benefits before the friendship.”
  • “Sexual exploration can and often does become a part of an existing friendship between consenting people. Or you may have been in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this person earlier in your life, but now it’s morphed into a friendship. In such circumstances, the sexual connection may remain, or may be reintroduced. But the common thread is the history between you, the investment you share in the friendship, and the trust that has formed. You recognize that you both enjoy the chemistry, but that you may not be as compatible emotionally as you are sexually. It’s a mutually understood experience. The connection you have as friends determines whether this time in your life and in your relationship is right to be sharing benefits.”

Tips for Having a FWB relationship that isn’t a mess

  • Make sure you can handle the emotional complexities 
  • Define “friend” and “benefit” and make sure the other person is on the same page
  • Don’t start an FWB with someone who wants something more
  • Transparency with each other’s sexual history
  • FWB’s and Fuck Buddies are two different things
  • FWB relationships are about respect and boundaries
  • Prioritize the friendship over the benefits

 

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COL381: LTAK: Boy vs Pup

COL381In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About Kink. For this one, the guys are joined by Ches (Foxbear), Ray (Mr. North American Bear), and pups Beacon and Dozor to talk about boys and pups. What common features do these roles play under the grander kinky umbrella and where do they differ? Listen in as the cubs break down these two similar, yet very different identities.

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Legion has arrived!
  • Damon: IndyFurCon briefly
  • Chester: Mancs Pride
  • Gary: Bestie Time
  • Ches/FoxBear: WORK!  NEED VACATION!
  • Ray: Imperial Court of Indianapolis
  • Pup Dozor: Softball and Hockey end of season! Prep for BtW.
  • Pup Beacon: Busy summer. All the new things. Job, home, car, pup, member of Onyx, etc

Feedback:

Facebook Comment:

  • Randall Stratton: Just finished listening to the podcast..and I agree with Gary none of these songs did it for me..like it was said on the show they seemed to follow a formula..so I was like..meh next.

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Boys vs Pups

COL314: LTAK: Respect and Consent

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

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COL314: LTAK: Consent and Respect

consentIn this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs are joined by several guests (returning guests Ms. Tammy, Ches and Shutter as well as new guests Shelby and Stickpup!) in another Let’s Talk About Kink! This time around, we let some pups speak about the role they play in the community and move beyond that to the issues of consent and respect.

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff – Avengers
  • Damon – It’s Official
  • Gary – Owwww…..

Feedback:

Facebook Likes:

  • Adrian Valdez
  • Charles Key
  • Derek Martin Stark
  • Douglas Bridges
  • Jacob Osito
  • Rinaldo Bertucci
  • Rusty Young
  • Ünder Bear

Urbandictionary:

Pupsticle Course – The act of having to step over dogs sleeping on the floor in your or a friends home.

Mike: Butch come here a minute please, I need your help.
Butch: Coming.
Mike: What’s taking so long?
Butch: Sorry, I had to deal with a 3 dog pupsticle course.

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink series discussion: Consent and Respect.

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

  • [Jeff] – Atomas – iTunes – Google Play
  • [Gary] – 20 Facts About The Muppets (feat. The Muppets!) – mental_floss on YouTube – List Show (309)

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