Tag Archives: bottom

COL692: LoR: Sexual Scripts

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back as the guys turn the pages on sexual scripts. Follow line by line as Ed and the cubs break down what sexual scripts are, where they come from and what happens when you go “off book.” Editing, improv and flipping the script are not just for the stage anymore!

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Scripts

What are sexual scripts?

In 1986, researchers  William Simon and John H. Gagnon defined sexual scripts as the cultural and societally approved norms that a person accesses, agrees upon, and activates through a sexual socialization process.  These sexual scripts are specific to the culture a person is socialized in, which tell them what behaviors, thoughts, emotions are or are not acceptable.  People carry these scripts with them into sexual situations and they tell them how to respond.  Simon and Gagnon theorized that sexual scripts have three different categories, including socio-cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic:

Examples of cultural sexual scripts:

  • Dating culture 
  • Premarital sex 
  • Monogamy 
  • Dominance and submission
  • Heteronormative 
  • What else?

Examples of interpersonal sexual scripts:

  • Flirting/sexual negotiation
  • Consent/sexual assault 
  • Top/Bottom
  • What else?

Examples of intrapsychic sexual scripts:

  • Turn ons
  • Fantasy
  • Kinks and fetishes
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual Desire 
  • What else?

Quote from Simon & Gagnon (1986)

In the most pragmatic sense, sexual scripts must solve two problems. The first of these is gaining permission from the self to engage in desired forms of sexual behavior. The second problem is that of access to the experiences that the desired behavior is expected to generate.

What happens when we go off script or improvising?

  • Rejection
  • Non-monogamy/Poly
  • Ace/Aro
  • Relationship anarchy 
  • Sides 
  • Sexual dysfunctions
  • Mental health/Trauma 
  • What else?

What do we do when we are off-script?

Good rules of improv? 

  • Yes, and….
  • Boundaries 
  • Acknowledge
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate and….
  • Communicate!  (especially your boundaries)

 

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COL689: WGO: March 2023

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of March. As Spring begins, listen in as the cubs refresh us on their goings-on. With the first quarter of the year closing, the guys are busy as bees. But with all that buzz, they wonder where has the time gone.

Feedback 

Twitter Followers

  • @pandabearx67
  • @cubby_shawn1999
  • @kkoidsy
  • @goodboyx10

Facebook Follows & Likes:

  • Jeff Jack
  • Roy Lewis
  • Holly Boy
  • Calvin Mayshack
  • Stephen Flanigan
  • Baddo Rajpoot
  • Tony Anthion
  • Evan Dame
  • Chris Edward
  • Aidan P Mohahan

Patreon Updates

  • Happy FIVE Year Anniversary to Ubher patron Q on March 14th! 
  • BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons: 
    • Cubsters: Charles W., Daniel C., and Michael K.
    • Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
    • plus our Buddies: Lloyd G., and Michael V!

Recent Shows

  • COL686: WGO: February 2023
  • COL687: LTA…Aging
  • COL688: LoR: Sexual Desire
  • About last week… COL689: LTA… LGBTQIA Modeling

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COL681: WGO: January 2023

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of January. As winter chills the air, the guys warm you up with their monthly shenanigans. From new podcasts to new jobs they didn’t want, slide along with the cubs through another month.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Forced Focus
  • Damon: New Podcast / Home Repairs
  • Gary: Ok-yeah, coulda been bettah

Feedback 

Twitter Followers

  • @Nerdy_Bear90
  • @RoelRisque
  • @CubsterDan
  • @SirRafalot
  • @jaf97f
  • @bigboyproject1
  • @czechbears
  • @theurbanbear

Facebook Follows:                               

  • World Bear Weekend
  • Movie Bears Podcast
  • Hood Geek
  • HiBearNation

Facebook Follows & Likes:

  • Ricky Rhein
  • Peter Chan
  • Jay Hines
  • Joshua Michael Findlay
  • Pedro Luis Gil Sol
  • Boyan Mitevski
  • Libyan Libico
  • Tom Webb
  • Ozzito Ocarn
  • Stephen Flanigan
  • Sun Leonard
  • Benjamin Baker
  • Thierry Soriano
  • Eric Brown Jr.
  • Edward Anders
  • Yaque Moctar
  • Marwan Al-helwani
  • Terry DA Silva
  • Michael Bolima
  • Stuart Dunlap
  • Luis Cyfere
  • خليو مركس [Cello Marks in Arabic]
  • Landon Shonuff-is Hall
  • Richard Lutz
  • Arimateia Monteiro
  • Hughes Skipper
  • Anwarkoto
  • Jarrett Bliz
  • Bear Skn

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Submission from BuilTABear:

Hey Guys! I am listening to your podcast COL514: Trans Bear Listener. 

First — GOOD JOB! Thank you for bringing up the topic of trans guys! Please note — not all trans guys are the same or have the same needs, critiques or sensitivities. MANY (not all) guys who are earlier in the process (first 5 years) can be SUPER SENSITIVE about just about everything and often have NO idea they are being that way.  I know it’s not politically correct to say that – but it’s the painful truth. After a handful of years living life passing as a cis man we learn to understand the whole world is not out to make us all miserable or be disrespectful to us. ugh. Some guys can really be hard work. Just like any other community, there are some cool guys and some really ODD guys.  Mileage may vary :-0   

I thought I’d share some of my thoughts about what your email guest had to say: 

  • FEMALE genitalia = In my general experience I agree, we usually prefer words like birth born parts, genetic bits, front business, ANYTHING but being reminded about the emotionally painful word “female” when you are talking about a trans guy. Testosterone makes some pretty significant changes to it and it’s not “standard issue female parts” after a short while anyhow. 
  • JUNK = agree, just ask the guy what he wants his junk called (don’t offer options – just ask) 
  • Bottom Surgery = not being attracted to someone who has had bottom surgery. 

Again, those who HAVE HAD bottom surgery are often super sensitive about rejection (as might be expected!). There are some trans guys who have had bottom surgery realizing folks (including other trans guys) are NOT into them BECAUSE of the lower surgery choice. VERY ouchie. Very VERY ouchie (I’d imagine). That’s a lot of work mentally, surgery and money to go through to realize you just put yourself into a VERY narrow date scene.  I know of two trans men who committed suicide because of this topic. Saying I’d never have sex with a trans guy who has had bottom surgery is simply unnecessary and rude. It’s like saying “i’d never have sex with a guy with a small penis”  — you might think it in your mind and maybe have a general desire for guys 6” or more, but going around admitting you’re a size queen is not pretty. Hope this helps!

Kindly, BuilTABear

Patreon Updates

  • Happy One Year Anniversary to Uber patron Tim on 1/15 
  • Happy Upcoming 4 Year Anniversary to Ubehr patron Li on 1/31 
  • BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons: 
    • Cubsters: Charles W., Daniel C., and Michael K.
    • Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
    • plus our Buddies: Lloyd G., Michael V., and Oan R.!

Recent Shows

  • COL677: WGO: December 2022
  • COL678: LTAF: New Year, New Dishes
  • COL679: 15 Years and Counting
  • COL680: LoR: Parasocial Interactions

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Each of us find and share something on Twitter that we link to.

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COL661: LoR: Queer Platonic Relationships

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss QPRs or Queer Platonic Relationships. QPRs are intimate relationships that are neither romantic nor sexual in nature. Listen in as Ed builds up the fundamentals of this different relationship dynamic and its origins and brings it up to date for modern audiences.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Queer Platonic Relationships

Landscape of Relationships returns. Queer platonic relationships are our focus this month when it comes to relationships. QPRs are committed intimate relationships which are neither romantic nor sexual in nature and that differ from close friendship by having the same structure and status as a romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. The term has begun to also be used in polyamorous communities to help describe the complex relationships.  The term “queers” social norms for defining relationships, it isn’t a friendship nor is it a romantic relationship.

Asexual (Ace)

  • “Sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone and/or does not experience desire for sexual contact” (aceandaros.com, 2021)

Aromantic (Aro)

  • “Romantic orientation, which describes people whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations, commonly due to experiencing little to no romantic attraction, but also due to feeling repulsed by romance, or being uninterested in romantic relationships.” (AUREA FAQ on Aromanticism.org, 2021).  

Allosexual 

  • “Describes people who are not on the asexual spectrum. They can have any romantic orientation, including aromantic” (TAAAP.org, 2021).  

Alloromantic

  • “Described people who are not on the aromantic spectrum. They have any sexual orientation, including asexual” (TAAAP.org, 2001).

Historically speaking , QPR has been described as an “ancient practice made new again”. 

  • Boston MarriagesA Boston marriage was one in which two independent women chose to build a life and a household together, rather than marrying. 
  • Romantic FriendshipsClose but often times non-sexual relationship. Used primarily in historical contexts (e.g. Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens; Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Speed).

Zucchini 

  • Term of endearment used to describe a queerplatonic partner.  
  • Also, “squish” has been used to describe a non-romantic crush.

Amatonormativity (Elizabeth Brake)

  • The idea that everyone needs to be in a romantic relationship 
  • Hallmark movies 
  • Laws surrounding marriage 
  • Chosen families 

Other Resources

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COL597: LTAF: Gay Brunch

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About Food. On this Sunday morning, the cubs do brunch. As the guys gaggle over the ins and outs of brunch foods, listen as they discuss whether there are actual “gay foods” or just foods that the gays enjoy. With the pandemic drawing to a conclusion soon, will the gays be able to gather and brunch again?

Show Topic

Let’s Talk About Food: Gay Brunch 

Are there really any ‘gay’ foods? And if so, what would make them worthy of brunch? 

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