Tag Archives: anxiety

COL725: LoR: Adulting

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss how adulting is a part of our lives. From anxiety to accomplishments, it’s a discussion about how we move through avoiding responsibilities to the other side.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Adulting

What is adulting? 

“The characteristic of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult; especially the accomplishments of mundane but necessary tasks.”

Avoidance

  • the action of keeping away from or not doing something. 

Experiential avoidance 

  • the unwillingness to remain in contact with aversive experiences such as painful feelings, thoughts, and emotions
  • the relief that comes after you don’t do something 
  • instead of doing things that i need to do, i end up playing videos on tiktok or playing little games, or a get distracted 

Workability 

  • the concept of how our reaction to our thoughts are helpful or unhelpful and moving us towards the person we want to be.  Less focus on whether our thoughts are right or not.  

Example 

EAC Therapy 2023 Business goals 

  • Moving completely independent, get credentialed with insurance companies, and get my Sex Therapy Certification 
  • I was unwilling to make room for the anxiety that came along with the thought of failure 
  • Not doing them was easier than doing them….and I ALWAYS had an excuse NOT to do them.

Bullet Journal method 

  • an analog productivity tool that is designed to help someone structure their tasks with rapid logging.  
  • Ryder Carrol designed this method to help get people into action faster 
  • separated into rapid logging, monthly logs, weekly logs, and then daily logs
  • think of it like a more structured to-do list

1-2-3-4 Method

  1. Quick and easy task
  2. Cleaning task 
  3. In-depth task 
  4. Something fun to you
  • Categorize your rapid log into the 1,2,3 or 4
  • Pick one thing from each category and do each of them until you are done….then repeat as much as your can until you are done for your day 
  • The science tells us that if you can do something quick and easy then you have the momentum into a cleaning task.  Then you are already up, might as well complete that big task you have been putting off.  Once you are done, you can watch the season finale of that show you have been watching.  

Dr. Edward’s suggestions:

  • Be kind to yourself, Be realistic, Be brave and you will be ready.  
  • Get an accountability partner 
  • “Of course, I don’t want to do this. It’s okay to feel scared about this.”
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COL723: Jingle Mingle 3

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s a holiday fun time with our 3rd annual Jingle Mingle 3: Revenge of the Bells! This time around, the guys get a little naughty for Christmas with some fun games. Laughs, stories and more ensue as Gary leads the sleigh. Join the cubs, Drew, Joshua, Lloyd and Cubziz as they determine who is the naughtiest of them all!

Show Topic

Jingle Mingle 3

The COL hosts are gathering online again for a year end social. It’s holiday themed games as we find out who’s the naughtiest!

  • Good Elf or Bad Elf
  • Holiday Most Likely 2023
  • The Naughtiest of All Volume 2
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COL722: 2023 Look Back

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys take some time to take a look back. As 2023 draws to a close, listen in as cubs reminisce about their milestones, highs and lows of the year. From weddings to new jobs, concerts to title wins, follow along with them as they take note of the year 2023.

Show Topic

2023 Look Back

As the year is wrapping, we’ll take a look back on the milestones and notably things that happened in 2023. With just two weeks left in the year, were there any standouts seen as positives, negatives, or mehs?

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COL720: WGO: November 2023

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of November. As the guys end the month of thanks, they find themselves with not a lot to be thankful for. It’s been a month of ups and downs, so listen in as the cubs share their goings-ons as we close out on the year.

Feedback 

  • COL719 comments and more: Hey Guys, I hate to be complaining, but am sending this email in case if you are unaware. I downloaded COL 719 and sadly could not hear Jeff speak at all. I could hear Gary and background music.  I went to look at youtube today and it seems to be operating the same way. I’ve listened to quite a few podcasts where Jeff’s volume was very low and hard to hear, while all the other guys were ok.  COL 719 is the first that I recall not hearing Jeff at all. Just wanted to let you know. – MTNB
  • Advice: Hi I’m ace(he/him) and only recently started watching the podcast and found it interesting. I’m a trans guy living in the south and I’m still pre-transition and not out to everyone (mainly cause of fear of judgement). so any advice on how to let people know without saying it straight up – AR

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Recent Shows

  • COL718: WGO: October ‘23
  • COL719: LTA…Adulting

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COL688: LoR: Sexual Desire

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Desire

First, sexual desire is complicated. 

  • Is it an emotion? Yes
  • Is it a motivation? Yes
  • Is it a state of being? Yes
  • Is it required to have sex? Not necessarily

Sexual desire is the interest (or lack of interest) toward engaging in sexual activity.  This presents itself with thoughts, feelings, and fantasies.   Some people look at sexual desire existing on a spectrum from disgust to neutral to excited.

One way I have heard sexual desire described is akin to hunger.  And I like this analogy for a few reasons that we will discuss.  

Let’s go back to the idea of a smorgasbord….let’s imagine that there is not a Golden Corral that can hold the variety of sexual desire (Rule 34 of the Internet).  So when we talk about sexual desire, the limit does not seem to exist.  

What impacts sexual desire?

  • Biology/Evolution
    • Age can be a factor, Propagation of the species (sex as a reward); amygdala (emotional center) and hypothalamus (responsible for sexual arousal) Men’s desire is more based on visual cues when compared to women, cued interest “we don’t know why we desire something” v. uncued interest “has an origin story”; the “absolute territory” (Japanese zettai ryouiki), the band of skin between the bottom of the end of the skirt and the top of the socks.  Disclaimer: this is based on statistics and not all human behavior can be reduced to statistics.  If this isn’t your experience, it does not mean you are not valid.  
  • Medical
    • Low testosterone, heart disease, Cancer, physical pain, psychotropic medications
  • Relational
    • Relationship conflict, and sexual scripts 
  • Intergenerational
    • Abuse and religiosity and culture 
  • Psychological
    • Anxiety, Unhelpful body/sexual narratives, other sexual disorders
  • Social
    • Cultural sexual narratives and scripts 

“For most of Western Civilization low sexual desire has been a goal, not a problem.” – David Schnarch 

  • In a sex negative world, no wonder people are so confused about their sexual desires or lack thereof.  Remember the sexual smorgasbord idea?  If dominating cultural narratives created the smorgasbord, then there would only be a few options for a few people….the rest would be closed.

Resources:

 

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