In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.
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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Desire
First, sexual desire is complicated.
Is it an emotion? Yes
Is it a motivation? Yes
Is it a state of being? Yes
Is it required to have sex? Not necessarily
Sexual desire is the interest (or lack of interest) toward engaging in sexual activity. This presents itself with thoughts, feelings, and fantasies. Some people look at sexual desire existing on a spectrum from disgust to neutral to excited.
One way I have heard sexual desire described is akin to hunger. And I like this analogy for a few reasons that we will discuss.
Let’s go back to the idea of a smorgasbord….let’s imagine that there is not a Golden Corral that can hold the variety of sexual desire (Rule 34 of the Internet). So when we talk about sexual desire, the limit does not seem to exist.
What impacts sexual desire?
Biology/Evolution
Age can be a factor, Propagation of the species (sex as a reward); amygdala (emotional center) and hypothalamus (responsible for sexual arousal) Men’s desire is more based on visual cues when compared to women, cued interest “we don’t know why we desire something” v. uncued interest “has an origin story”; the “absolute territory” (Japanese zettai ryouiki), the band of skin between the bottom of the end of the skirt and the top of the socks. Disclaimer: this is based on statistics and not all human behavior can be reduced to statistics. If this isn’t your experience, it does not mean you are not valid.
Anxiety, Unhelpful body/sexual narratives, other sexual disorders
Social
Cultural sexual narratives and scripts
“For most of Western Civilization low sexual desire has been a goal, not a problem.” – David Schnarch
In a sex negative world, no wonder people are so confused about their sexual desires or lack thereof. Remember the sexual smorgasbord idea? If dominating cultural narratives created the smorgasbord, then there would only be a few options for a few people….the rest would be closed.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs celebrate the show’s 15th anniversary! Many years ago, our producer, Jeff, got the itch to create a podcast and invited his friends to join him. Fifteen years, two generations of hosts, several guests and 100s of episodes later, COL is still going strong. Listen as the guys reminisce about the past and ponder the future.
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15 Years and Counting
Many moons ago, a cub had an idea to get some people together and record their thoughts on dang near everything and anything. They called it Cubs Out Loud. Since then, 678 sequential episodes have been produced, two generations of hosts, thousands of hours for listening/watching guys yammering, and over 450 videos on YouTube. It’s been a wild ride for a decade and half. What comes next? Hell if we know!
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, Let’s Talk About Sex. This time around, the guys discuss how monkeypox has become a part of social/online media; from hookup apps to chat threads and beyond. With plenty of misinformation, how much is opinion versus fact? With comparisons being made and echoes to the origins of the AIDS epidemic 40 years ago, listen in as the cubs express their feelings towards this new health crisis.
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LTAS: Monkeypox v Social Media
Let’s Talk About Sex series returns. This time the guys discuss how Monkeypox has become a part of social media/online from hookup apps to chat threads and beyond. There’s plenty being said yet how much is opinion vs fact? Comparisons have been made of echoes to the origins of the AIDS epidemic 40 years ago. Do we agree with this?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another installment of Let’s Talk About Sex. For this episode, the cubs go way back and discuss their sexual awakenings. Whether it was their first time or their best time, the guys reminisce on that joyous time they discovered themselves as sexual beings. From the birds to the bees, listen in as they share their moments when they figured out what’s going on down there.
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Lets Talk About Sex: Awakening
The hosts discuss when they discovered personal sexual awakenings many years ago.
Urban Dictionary lists Sexual Awakening as: The first time in a person’s life in which they experience a euphoric feeling and desire to be physically intimate with someone.
Sexual Awakening can be defined as when you finally become one with your original essence, your primal energy, and you know your sexual organs.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another installment of Let’s Talk About Sex. The cubs are joined by the adorkable Tony aka Cubziz to discuss sex toys and internet security. While it seems like an odd topic of sexual discussion, listen in as Tony and the guys break down how safe (and potentially unsafe) our pleasure devices can be. From hacking the system to displaying your location, the cubs give you the lowdown on your toys and grant you insight on how to keep yourself safe when you’re looking to get off.
Show Topic
Lets Talk About Sex: Internet Security
In today’s tech age, how safe are the newest ways we enjoy ourselves alone and with others? Are the ‘internet of things’ sex toys secure? Can they be hacked? Let’s talk about that.
Location Data is rarely considered as a security risk, especially for IoT, but these devices identify themselves.
He avoids talking about specific toy brands. I will use brand names as that is what people are familiar with, but I cannot correlate his research with those specific brands, so don’t use my references to interpret what HE found in his research. (IE I’m translating for a different crowd, so I’m trying to make it easier without dancing around toy names.)
Imagine if suddenly the entire hotel is filled with screams as every device is cranked to max and then the wireless capabilities are disabled (so they cannot be disabled remotely). Imagine the chaos. And it’s all radio frequencies.
Type of service:
Cloud – Internet/Cloud based. May use Wifi to talk directly to device, but usually do through phone. Examples: Hush, Cellmate, Pavlok.
Local – Control is local only, no cloud/internet server involved. Common with “knock off” devices which don’t have the back end devices. Examples: Wireless remote devices with no phone app involvement.
Other – Intelligence in the device. Example: Dog shock collar when a loud noise is heard.
Why is this important?
Answer: How does it fail on a loss of connection? Loss of service entirely? Can it be “seen”? Can it be “replayed”? And is there an emergency OFF?
Cloud services are internet based and as such can be blocked, hacked, go down. Does the device fail open or closed? (Fail open = Powered off. Fail closed = In an ON state.) Imagine if your ISP decided to start blocking adult content and your cock cage is now permanently locked on and you don’t even realize the ISP is blocking that traffic on cellular to your phone. Thankfully this traffic is ALMOST always encrypted as most devices are using HTTPS at this point, but not always.
Bluetooth can be blocked as it sits on the same frequencies as Wifi in the 2.4Ghz realm. (Wifi can go into the 5Ghz range as well though.) Wifi “jammers” are cheap. Bluetooth “jammers” are more difficult as you must be closer. But flooding is still flooding. Bluetooth does have SOME encryption, but it isn’t impossible to break but they do tend to identify themselves. ESPECIALLY if your device can be hacked (laptop, tablet, phone).
Local – MORE difficult, but rarely encrypted as a result. Software defined radios can usually allow replay attacks. (Thing of recording and replaying a command to turn on and go to 11. A replay attack allows that to be rebroadcast and do the same actions again. IE no encryption or tokenization.)
Location Data Issues:
Cellular – Allows devices to have a by-the-moment track of where you are located. Some applications provide Google Maps level details on where they are located. Imagine being in a church and setting off the electrified cock cage. 😛
Wifi – Limited to areas with Wifi, obviously, but how many of us at home disable devices?
Bluetooth – CAN be used to determine location, but more specifically it tells someone that THIS DEVICE is located within 100 ft.
Why is location data an issue? Imagine traveling for work and being sent to a nation which executes gay men. And your cock cage is advertising all over.
Also a danger because, for example, Fitbit used to track GPS routes to “demonstrate” your running path, but also included things like times for passing certain points. Imagine someone wanted to setup an attack (physical) using this. They’d know EXACTLY where you paused for a breath, where you were most tired and started walking, where you lost cellular signal and where it caught back up. And all of this data was public for a while… yet even after it was locked down, many people SHARE this because they want the feedback from others. Convenience will always block security.
Should you be concerned?
ALWAYS figure out what happens if you lose connection. Determine how long this is? IE if the server doesn’t respond for a week, does it auto-unlock? Or will it stay engaged forever?
ALWAYS know how to respond should it go badly. Usually is just taking the device off.
Don’t just assume it is malicious… Microwaves screw up Bluetooth and Wifi for example, so your sub might be in the sling screaming while you went to nuke lunch for the two of you. They’re not screaming because they’re hungry.
ALWAYS have a backup. Example: CODEX for cock cage.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.
