Tag Archives: history

COLDR: AS6E12: This Is Our Country

In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, it’s the Grand Finale and the guys are LIVE! Gary and Damon get it twisted and do a live reaction watch-thru of the season finale. As the guys watch the final four celebrate their country with some line dancing and singing, which All Star snatches the crown in the final lap?

WEEKLY TOPIC

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars Season 

Put the Pedal to the Metal:

  • [Gary] – Pleasant Surprises

Cruise the Runway:

Category/Theme: Hall of Fame All-Star Eleganza Extravaganza

  • [Damon] – All the Serves!
  • [Gary] – Last Lewks
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COL606: ATNS: LGBTQIA+ Pride 2021 – Part 2: Kink

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. This time around, the topic is Pride and because the cubs have a lot to say about it, this will be a two-parter. In this second part, the cubs break down their views on the ongoing debate of kink at Pride and its inclusion in LGTBQIA+ spaces. From consent to caution, listen in as the guys paddle their way through this hard stop conversation.

Show Topic

ATNS: LGBTQIA+ Pride 2021 – Part 2: Kink

This year for our annual Pride discussion, we have a two-parter – previously we discussed Corporations. Now that we’ve told big business to fuck off with their pandering, let’s piss off even more people with our thoughts on kink being a part of Pride for the LGBTQIA community. 

From COL previous guest Perrin on social media:

Perrin 

So here’s the thing… cause it apparently needs to be said. Wearing a leash in public harms absolutely no one. It violates no consent.

This discourse reeks of “think of the children” and “no kink at Pride” and I’m not here for this sanitization.

For years these types of excuses were used to actively harm homosexuals, transfolk, and anyone else who didn’t fit the public’s perception of normal. Still to this day, we see people crying foul when anyone dares deviate from that norm.

From Forged & Folded A Thousand Times in Rainbow Flame [aka @vaspider] on Twitter

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COL601: Landscape of Relationships: FWB

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this installment, the cubs share their thoughts on FWBs, otherwise known as friends with benefits. What are the building blocks of this type of relationship and how do you make it work? And, what exactly are the benefits?

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits

Is a friendship a relationship????

  • Thoughts?
  • Many cultures define friendships as a very important relationship
    • LGBTQ community- “chosen family”
  • Atlantic 2020 article that discussed the cultural and historical importances of friendships

The relationship escalator

A set of societal expectations for intimate relationships.  Partners follow a set of progressive set of steps, each with clear markers, with a goal in mind.

  • Making contact / Flirting
  • Initiation 
  • Claiming and defining 
  • Establishment 
  • Commitment 
  • Merging 
  • Conclusion 
  • Legacy

What does the science say about FWB relationships?

  • In 2017, 171 University of Denver students (more women than men) were surveyed on sexual satisfaction, commitment and trust of FWB relationships
  • Big takeaways? *drumroll please* communication and setting healthy boundaries
  • They found sexual satisfaction was important but so was sacrificing for the good of the partner, and not looking for the next best thing.
  • Why?  Lots of research is looking at young adults who are in school.  Romantic relationships are oftentimes an added stressor that takes away from studying.  Some students opt for FWB arrangements to reduce overall stress.  

How to make a “friendship with benefits” work.

  • FWBs are supposed to decrease pressure, not add pressure.  
  • You need to be friends in order to call it a FWB.  Those take time, trust, shared history, etc. 
  • Must be mutually beneficial and convenient 
  • If the FWB ends, you are allowed to be upset.  
  • It’s confusing to try to develop friendship founded on a sexual relationship guided by a rule system that has to be invented as you go. Or, when you’re trying to force a friendship so that you can add sex as a benefit, where does the friendship part fit in? That’s putting the benefits before the friendship.”
  • “Sexual exploration can and often does become a part of an existing friendship between consenting people. Or you may have been in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this person earlier in your life, but now it’s morphed into a friendship. In such circumstances, the sexual connection may remain, or may be reintroduced. But the common thread is the history between you, the investment you share in the friendship, and the trust that has formed. You recognize that you both enjoy the chemistry, but that you may not be as compatible emotionally as you are sexually. It’s a mutually understood experience. The connection you have as friends determines whether this time in your life and in your relationship is right to be sharing benefits.”

Tips for Having a FWB relationship that isn’t a mess

  • Make sure you can handle the emotional complexities 
  • Define “friend” and “benefit” and make sure the other person is on the same page
  • Don’t start an FWB with someone who wants something more
  • Transparency with each other’s sexual history
  • FWB’s and Fuck Buddies are two different things
  • FWB relationships are about respect and boundaries
  • Prioritize the friendship over the benefits

 

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COL589: Losing Our ‘Gay’ Spaces

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, Jeff forgets to turn on his mic and the cubs are joined by returning guest Drew to discuss a rather impactful topic. Before and during the pandemic, LGBTQ+ spaces have been shutting their doors as it becomes financially difficult to maintain them. Listen in as the guys share their thoughts on what the true cost of losing these spaces might be and how others may be able to survive post-COVID.

Show Topic

As the pandemic swept across the globe, LGBTQ+ spaces in the US faced financial devastation. From online fundraising, new owners, to closures – what have we lost? Will the community be able to recover in the future when pandemic is behind us? 

Some of the known closures include:

  • Cuties, Flaming Saddles, Gold Coast, Gym Bar, Rage – West Hollywood, California, USA
  • Menz & Mollyz Bar – Halifax, Alberta, Canada 
  • Boom! Nightclub – Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada 
  • DC Eagle – Washington, D.C., USA
  • Stud, San Francisco, California, USA
  • Parliament House, Orlando, Florida, USA

References

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COL585: ATNS: LGBTQ Being Messy

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another All T, No Shade show. This time, the cubs spill the tea on some of the messes in recent weeks among the LGBTQ+ community. From partying during a pandemic to thirsting after terrorists, the guys spare no amount of shade and give their honest opinions about their feelings on this misbehavior.

Show Topic

From circuit parties, secret orgies, to Puerto Vallarta New Years fallout. What do we think of the ‘misbehavior’ by members of our very own community? How much criticism is fair? Can we do better? 

History teaches us. One example is the ‘First they came…’ poem from the Holocaust.

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